Daughter of the Wolf
by allysonwonderlnd
Summary: SPOILERS I'm awful at summaries, but here it goes. Solas/Fen'harel unknowingly left Lavellan with child. First time seeing her in four years and first time seeing child ever. Lavellan has moved on with her life. I own nothing but a broken heart and what spawned from it. This story is like slices of cake at different moments of their lives. Some slices taste like despair. Some smut
1. Chapter One: Fennec

A/N: I wish I owned everything, but alas I don't. Ellea is mine. Everything else is due to the broken heart DAI left me with.

Chapter One: Fennec

Fen'harel was traveling through the Hinterlands when her heard her laugh travel through the trees. His heart raced and a lump began for form in his throat as he swallowed hard and followed the sweet sound. He stopped on the outskirts of the grove and saw Ellea with her back to him and Sera, just over her shoulder, slightly facing him. Staying hidden in the trees, he watched the women throwing a ball made of twine around. Then he heard it. The sound simultaneously broke his heart and pulled at his chest. A small child's laugh. He stalked closer and saw where the sound was coming from. Between Sera and Ellea was a small, raven haired girl, no more than three. Her black hair was pulled back in a ribbon in a failed attempt to keep her curls out of her face, most of the hair had fallen loose. When the little girl ran full force back to her mother, the lump in his throat moved down to his chest. Small chin, high cheekbones, face pink with excitement, like her mother. Her big, thoughtful eyes, her small button like nose, her full lips. She had his freckles, his brow, and his ears, everything else was Ellea. He dropped to his knees, fists balled up in the grass on either side of him.

"Aye, who's that?" Sera saw the drastic movement out of the corner of her eye. She reached for her bow out of instinct before she remembered she'd left it with Cullen at the camp not far behind her. Ellea scooped up the child in her arms and sharply turned around to follow Sera's gaze. She didn't see anything at first, but then he stood up from the spot Sera had been eyeing. Her already big eyes widen at the sight of him.

"Fenne, go to aunt Sera. She'll take you back to camp." She set the child on her feet on the ground next to her.

"Mamma?" Fenne looked up at her mother with the same wide eyes looking just as puzzled.

"It's okay, Fenne, just go to Sera." She looked back at the other women as Fenne ran as fast as her tiny legs could go. "Give us a moment, Sera." Sera huffed out a curse. Something that sounded a lot like 'this arse' to Fen'harel and Ellea replied with a sternness in her voice, "Sera, please!" With that, Sera held Fenne's hand and they walked down the hill behind them.

Ellea moved closer to where Fen'harel and neither one of them said anything. His eyes looked hard, with a hint of sadness behind them. After staring at each other for what felt like hours, he finally broke the silence.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His face was about to break the cool look he was trying so hard to maintain.

"Sol- Fen'harel," her face tightened, "are you kidding me? I spent a year calling to you. I spent two more looking for you. You did everything in your power to push me away and stay hidden." Her voice never faltered, but she could feel her eyes beginning to dampen. She paused to regain control of her body. "You're the one who used the well to stop me. You're the one who forced me to stop. You wouldn't even explain to me what I saw. I'd been trying so hard to comprehend everything, on my own I might add, with nothing but silence from you. I saw you and Flemeth. I know what happened. You knew that I knew and you still shut me out. I called out to you every night in my dreams and then you used the well against me!" She was losing control and had to stop every urge in her body to reach out and slap him.

"Vhenan, I'm so sor-"

"No, you don't get to call me that and you damn sure don't get to feel sorry." Her voice cracked and tears spread down her cheeks. He reached his hand up and wiped the tears from her face. "Fen'harel, please don't," her voice no more than a whisper, but she did not move.

He pulled his hand away at the sight of her hurt face. He wanted to pull her close, to hold her, to feel her lips against his again. Then he saw something over her shoulder that made him want to vomit. Cullen was standing there, at the top of the hill, with the child in his arm. _His_ child. Ellea could see the look in his eyes and turned around. Fen'harel grabbed her arm and brought her attention back to him.

"Are you with _him_ now?" The words spit out of his mouth like they were a disease. "Is he playing father to _my_ child?"

"Cullen is a good man, great even." Her face was getting hot with anger. "He cares about us and he loves us." She looked down at her feet, crushing her fingers into her palms so hard, she thought they might break. "I love him," Fen'harel winced at the sound of it, "and Fennec does too."

His eyes and face softened at the sound of her name. He placed his fingers under Ellea's chin and raised her head to look up at him. "You named her Fennec?"

"She's my-," she closed her eyes and corrected herself, "our little fox and I wanted to give her something to remind her of you." Ellea opened her blue eyes and they locked with his. "She's just like you. Stubborn and proud. She's also wild and full of so much energy, I'm afraid she might burst. She certainly doesn't get that from me." A smiled twitched on the corner of his mouth. "Do you want to meet her?"

A small, shy 'yes' was all it took. Ellea walked over to Cullen and took Fennec into her own arms. Before walking back to him, she placed her hand on Cullen's cheek. He responded with a knowing nod and headed back down the hill to Sera. Every step she took towards him made his heart pound harder in his chest. Fennec had her head resting on her mother's shoulder and at the sight of them together, he thought his legs were going to give out from underneath him.

"Fenne, I want you to meet a very special friend of ours. His name is Fen'harel." Fennec's eyes grew large at the sound of his name. The same eyes as her mother, Fen'harel noted. Crystal blue water with a lavender line around them, like a pond surrounded by flowers. They were just as mesmerizing too. The girls eyes curiously looked from the stranger to her mother and back at the stranger. Once she made her decision, she pushed off of her mother and into his arms. He had a second to catch her before she would have fallen to the ground. He held her with one arm around her as she straddled his side. He looked slightly panicked at Ellea and her eyes were sparkling with laughter as a small giggle escaped her lips. His attention was brought back to Fennec as she traced her chubby fingers over his jaw line down to his chin.

"Momma said daddy's name is Fen-ral." A smile tugged on his lips at the sound of her trying to say his name. Fennec traced around the smile with her fingers and her eyes narrowed. "Are you daddy?" His throat tightened at the question and he looked sheepishly at Ellea trying to scan her face for how she wanted him to respond. She nodded, her eyes looking sad and tired.

"Yes, _ma_ _da'len_. I am and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to find you." He pushed the hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. The tears he'd been trying for so long to hold back started to fall from his eyes. Fennec looked at him puzzled while her fingers played around his cheeks. She leaned in and kissed his tears. Something her mother obviously did for her when she was crying.

"Shh, no cry." Her voice was soft and sweet as she nuzzled her head between his shoulder and neck. "No cry, _ma 'enan_." He looked back at Ellea, who had tears on her cheeks. She took his free hand into hers.

"I will never keep her from you, Fen'harel. She is yours as much as she is mine."


	2. Chapter Two: Forever

Chapter Two: Forever

It had been almost eleven years since Ellea had last seen Fen'Harel. Their last conversation had not gone well. After four years of being a part of their daughters life, he finally explained why he left. It wasn't what he did to the others that upset her. She understood that they had lost control of themselves. She understood that they had become brutal and cruel to the people. She understood that he had no other choice. Had it been her choice to make, she would have done the same. SHe understood why he wanted to free them, even now. It was the fact that he never trusted enough to confide in her. She couldn't help but wonder how much different their lives would have turned out if he would have just been honest. After their last conversation, it hurt too much to even think about him, let alone see him. Cullen spent the next decade seeing Fennec off to her father and collecting her from the gate to Skyhold when their time was done. The exchange today was different.

"What do you mean he's asked to see me?" She placed the book open faced on her legs. She was sitting on the sofa in the rotunda. Fennec fidgeted with the bottom on her shirt as Ellea looked at her with concern.

"I may have mentioned at you haven't aged a day." Fennec sighed as she continued to play with the hem of her shirt. "I'm sorry, mom. I know you didn't want me to say anything, but he deserves to know. If he hadn't heard it from me, Dorian and Sera would have eventually said something. I turn eighteen in a few days and you look more like my older sister then my mother. You don't think that's strange?" She finally looked up to meet her mother's eyes. "Cullen's going grey and you look exactly the same. If anyone knows about this, it's dad." She went back to playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Cullen and I have already talked about this. We assume it's the mark on my hand. We know that your father's orb had something to do with it. I don't see what I would have to talk to him ab-"

"Mom, please! Will you just talk to him." Fennec's voice was starting to sound irritated. Their eyes met and Ellea could see the same spark of anger she, herself, would get in her eyes. "You can't ignore him forever, especially if you live forever. It would just be really nice to have parents that got along instead of completely avoiding each other, or at least tried to get along. You're both so stubborn and it's getting to be borderline annoying." Her face was getting red with anger. "If you won't talk to him for yourself, at least talk to him for me!" She turned on her heels and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Dorian's salt and peppered head leaned over the railing of the library above. "What I wouldn't give to be a teenager again."

"Shut it, Dorian." Ellea stood up from the sofa, marched out the room and slammed the door.

"Like mother, like daughter." Dorian chuckled to himself as he resumed his reading.

Fen'harel was standing by the tavern talking to Cullen when he saw her come down the stairs, frown on her face. She's still graceful even when she's pissed, he thought to himself. Fennec was right and he could see it, even with the distance between them. Ellea hadn't aged at all since the day that anchor was put upon her hand. Cullen had noticed her too and began to slowly back away.

"I'm sorry, but you're on your own with this. I've been trying to get her to talk to you for the last two years and well…" He looked at Fen'harel with sympathy in his eyes. "You know how she is." With that, Cullen turned around and walked to meet up with Ellea before she released her fury on the other man. He whispered something in her ear and kissed her on the cheek before continuing on his way. Cullen looked back at Fen'harel with the same sympathetic look and mouthed good luck.

He really did sympathize with the other man. Cullen knew how Ellea got in her stubborn moods, Granted, he didn't think she'd still be mad at Fen'harel over a decade later. Over the years, the men developed niceties with each other. Fen'harel saw the way Cullen loved Ellea. He made her happy. Cullen saw the way Fen'harel loved Fennec. The relationship was good for both of them. He still felt a tinge of jealousy because he knew that Fen'harel would always hold a piece of Ellea's heart that he could never have. He was the father of her child and that was something Cullen could never give her. Maker knows how hard they tried.

Ellea gained most of the remaining space between them, but stopped far enough away to keep her distance. She blew a piece of hair off of her forehead and crossed her arms. "What?"

"You know, Fenne does the same thing when she's mad at me." Humor shone in his eyes as he let out a chuckle. Seeing her expression remain unchanged, he looked up to the sky and let out a sigh before looking back at her. "When are you going to stop being mad at me, vhenan?"

"I've asked you not to call me that."

"I'm sorry, forgive me." They stood looking at each other for a moment. "Walk with me."

She trailed behind him until they were out the gate and over the bridge. He slowed down so that they were finally walking side by side. They walked in silence for a few minutes. When they were far from Skyhold he spoke to her again.

"I'm so sorry, Ell. If I would never have wished this upon you." It was partially true. He really wouldn't wish immortality on his greatest enemies or friends and yet he still felt a little tug on his heart when Fennec spoke to him about it earlier. It made him feel guilty all over again just thinking about it. "It's just going to get harder."

"You think I don't know that? You think I haven't spent the last few years keeping myself up a night over it? I'm going to have to watch everyone I love die! I'm going to have to watch Cullen and Fen-" Her voice broke and the tears came out her eyes. She brought both of her hands to her face and sobbed. "I can't watch her go! Please! There has to be something we can do!"

Fen'harel couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed her and pulled her into his embrace. She cried into his chest while he stroked her long black hair. "It's alright, vhenan. I will figure this out. I promise you. I'll find a way to save her."

"I asked you not to call me that." Tears still in her eyes, she lifted her head up from his chest and looked into his somber eyes. She stood up on her toes and kissed him while one hand curved around his waist to his back. The other moved up his chest to the back of his neck. Returning the kiss, he pulled her closer him and guided her backwards until her back rested against a tree. He broke away from the kiss and his lips followed her jaw line to her ear. "I've missed you, vhenan." The small wind of his whisper tickled her ear. He pulled his head back and took her face gently in both hands. "I love you, Ellea."

"I…" CULLEN! His name screamed in her head. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. Her voice came out calmer than she expected. "I have to go. I'm sorry. I have to go. This isn't right." She pushed him back and took off running to Skyhold.

"Ell, don't." He reached his hand out to grab hers too late, she was already out of reach.


	3. Chapter Three: Cullen

Chapter Three: Cullen

Cullen hesitated before walking the rest of the way up the stairs as he watched Ellea pace around the room. She was obviously panicked as she walked back and forth, hands on her hips, while muttering 'stupid, stupid, stupid' to herself. He finally continued his ascent up the stairs and cleared his throat. At the sound of him, Ellea froze in place facing their bed and held her head down.

When she came running back into Skyhold, he and Fennec were in the yard practicing the new spells Fen'harel had taught her. Cullen was doing his best to deflect them with his shield, but Fennec was getting stronger everyday. He had just finished telling her that they needed to find her someone proper to train with when she was with them, when Ellea ran up and asked to speak with him when he was done. He knew something was wrong the moment he saw her face. Fenne did too and after Ellea escaped into the main hall, she placed her hand on his shoulder and told him to go after her. Fennec headed into the tavern. Most likely to sit on the roof with Sera and throw cookie crumbs at unsuspecting people walking by.

Cullen walked up behind Ellea and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the side of her head and rested his forehead where his lips just left. He inhaled the smell of her hair before he spoke.

"Whatever is wrong, my love, we can work through this together." He moved both hands to either side of her shoulders and ran them down her arms until his fingers intertwined with hers. When her body shivered against his, he realized how long it had been since they had last been physical. Over a few months, he'd grown self conscious to that fact that he was aging and she was't. Then the months turned into a year.

It wasn't that he hadn't wanted her. He'd always wanted her. After she fell out of the fade, her picked up her unconscious body and carried her to Haven. At that moment, he knew his life would never be the same. She fell in love with Solas, not him. He settled himself into the role of friend and confidant. When Solas left, he helped her pick up the pieces as best he could. When she had her vision that Solas was really Fen'harel, he was the first person she confided in. When she found out she was pregnant, he was there for her to hold her as she spent many nights crying in his arms.

It wasn't until Fennec's second birthday that they kissed. After the party, Dorian and Sera look Fennec out to the yard to play while Cullen and Ellea sat on the steps leading up to her room. They shared a bottle of wine and sat talking for an hour before he pulled her close to him. He ran his thumb across her cheek and buried his hand in her hair. Searching her eyes, he confessed his love for both her and Fennec. She replied by putting her lips on his, the kiss starting off soft and sweet and ending into something much deeper and passionate. He felt warm tears on his face and thought he was crying, but they belonged to her. She pulled away apologizing. She wiped her tears from his face and told him she loved him too, but that she couldn't give him all of her. It wasn't fair to him. She stood, going for the door to the main hall, when his hand caught hers.

"I'd rather have some of you than none of you." When she turned to face him, he took her other hand in his. "Elle, I love you. I love both of you and I just want you to be happy. I want to make you both happy. Please, let me make you happy." She stared at his chest, slowly nodding her head as if she was subconsciously agreeing to the words he laid out in front of her. She raised her head to meet his gaze and said yes. His mouth met hers as their bodies collided with the door behind her. His hands moved down to her butt and picked her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he walked her up the stair and laid her down on her bed. It didn't feel too soon for either of them. In fact, it felt like the past few years built up to it.

When she turned to look at him, he was brought back to the present. Her eyes were puffy and red. _Maker's breathe! How does she manage to look beautiful no matter what mood she's in_?

"I kissed him." His jaw hardened at her words as she continued to explain what had taken place between her and Fen'harel. When she finished, she couldn't bring herself to look at him.

He went around her, sat on the edge of the bed, placed his elbows on his thighs and buried his head in his hands. He sat in silence as Ellea stared at the floor, chewing on her bottom lip. He raised his head to look at her and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Do you want to be with him?" She took her gaze off the floor and met his. Her face looked more surprised than anything.

"What? Cullen-"

"We both know I'm just going to get older. I understand if you want to be with him. I just want you to be happy and if that means with him, then so be it." She walked over to where he sat and got on her knees in front of him, placing her hands on his thighs.

"It's you I want to be with. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and since that isn't going to be possible I want to spend the rest of your life with you." A small half smile formed on his lips and she reached for his hand, guiding it up to her face. "I don't know what my future holds, but I know what your's does and I don't want to not be a part of it. Fennec and I love you and we need you. I can't begin to imagine what our lives would have been like without you. And I don't want to."

"Stand up." She stood and he pulled her down to sit on his lap. "I knew what I was signing up for with you and Fen'harel, but I didn't know I'd be signing up for you to live countless years after I'm gone." He place one hand tightly on her hip while the other teased her spine with his fingers. "I'm partially to blame for this."

"No, Cullen, please don't blame yourself."

"Elle, it's true. I've pushed you away this past year because of my insecurities. I never even bothered to talk to you about them. How can I blame you for seeking comfort with Fennec's father, when I've barely touched you?"

"Well, you're touching me right now." She smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair, resting her hand on the back of his neck. Her expression resumed it's serious look. "I love you Cullen. I was giving you time. I didn't want to pressure you if you didn't feel comfortable about me."

"I love you too, Elle." He tightly pulled her closer and kissed her. His hands, claiming her body for his own, began to seek refuge under her shirt. As his hands moved higher, he pushed her shirt up with them. He broke the kiss to lift it over her head as she did the same with his. He pulled her up on her feet by her waist. His lips made a trail down to her stomach, stopping to take a nipple into his mouth before continuing his way down. She sucked in a quick breath and a broken breath escaped out. He undid the button on her pants and guided them down to her feet. She quickly stepped out of them and kicked them out of the way.

Without breaking eye contact, he slid his hands up the back of her legs and rested them on the back of her thighs. Pulling one leg over his shoulder, he slid his tongue between her lips. Her knees buckled. She grabbed the bed post to keep herself upright and threw her head back as a loud moan came out. Resting a hand on her lower back, he felt her legs shake against him as he circled her clit with his tongue. He broke away.

"Hold on to the post." She secured her grip and his free hand pulled her other leg onto his shoulder. The same hand moved up onto her back above the one securely holding the small of her back. "Let go."

In one swift movement, she let out a squeak followed by his name as he lifted her up and spun their bodies around on to the bed. He gently nibbled on her lips before resuming the swirl of his tongue on her clit. Her breathing quickened and her whole body began to shake. Her mouth let his name out in a whisper. Before she could finish, he pulled back, wiping off his mouth on the side of his thumb and crawled up her body until he layed hard against her. He paused for a moment as his hand moved the hair from her face.

"You are so beautiful." His lips captured hers and he pushed himself inside of her. His mouth caught her moan. "Come with me."

"Are you sure?" Ellea sat on their bed watching Cullen pace around the room both nervous and excited.

"Yes."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes, Cullen!"

"Do you think I'm too old?"

"Yes." He stopped and stared at her, mouth gaping. She let out a laugh. "It was a joke! No, you're not to old!" He rushed to her side and knelt before her. He placed a hand on her stomach.

"How long have you known?"

"Over a month. I wanted to make sure." He pulled her down to kiss him. When they pulled away, he looked up at her positively beaming.

"We're going to have a baby!"


	4. Chapter Four: Always

Chapter Four: Always

Fennec and Fen'harel sat in the Skyhold gardens watching her younger brother, Stanton, play with some of the other children in the keep. He'd been staying with them for the past two months. Fennec wasn't aging, so he didn't need to continue his search.

He was on the border of the Free Marches and Nevarra when Ellea used their connection to the well to call out to him. After meeting Fennec for the first time all those years ago, he gave Ellea back the right to call and it was the first time in almost 28 years she'd used it. Cullen was sick and she asked Fen'harel to come for their daughter's sake. It had taken him a month to travel back to them. He was a handful of days away when he felt it. An internal scream crashed through his mind while a phantom hand crushed his heart. The weight of Ellea's pain brought him to his knees as he wept. He was too late. _I am so sorry, ma vhenan_.

Her emotions normally slid under his radar. With the exception of hearing her call out, he'd only felt her emotions so strongly once before. Putting the pieces together years ago, he'd come to the conclusion that it was the day she gave birth to Fennec. The love she felt pulled at his heart and left tears in his eyes. He, being so blind and prideful, assumed she had fallen in love. He wasn't wrong, but it wasn't what he had thought it was at the time. He knew how selfish he was being when he did it, but that was the day he had cut her off.

Fennec was the first one to see him coming down the bridge. She was standing by the gate, holding hands with a handsome guard. The young man rubbed his thumb on her cheek with his free, gloved hand and pulled her in to embrace her. When she rested her head on his shoulder, she saw Fen'harel.

"Dad!" She broke the embrace and after saying something to the guard, she ran towards him. The impact of her body against his almost made him fall. He steadied himself and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight. She nuzzled his shoulder and neck like she used to when she was younger and cried. He placed a gentle kiss on her temple before resting his head there, his hand stroking her hair.

"Hush, _ma vhenan_. You're going to be okay. It will just take time." His body stiffened against hers. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Fennec lift her head and follow his gaze. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked at her mother staring back at Fen'harel. Ellea and Stanton, the exact replica of Cullen, were walking back towards the keep, hand in hand. She froze the second she locked eyes with him. Stanton never looked away from the ground when they stopped walking. Ellea had bags under her eyes and her cheeks were sunk in. She stood there for a few seconds longer before shaking her head as if to break her gaze. She looked down at the boy saying something, and they continued on their way.

"She's not taking this well at all." He nodded slowly in agreement, still looking at the place Ellea was just at. "Maybe you can talk to her."

"I'm pretty sure that I'm the last person she wants to speak to right now."

"Give her time."

Two months later and she still hadn't said a single word to him. She stood in the doorway to the main hall as she called Stanton for dinner. She was looking better than she had been when he'd seen her that day. She was sleeping and eating more, but she'd lost a lot of weight on her already slender frame. It was going to take a while before she looked healthy again. She reached her hand out to her son and escorted him into the main hall, never once looking their way.

"How is she doing?" His face was full of concern.

"It amazes me that you two can sleep just a few rooms apart and still never interact." Fennec rubbed her foot into the grass, leaving a patch of dirt in its place. "She loves you. I think she loves you so much that she thinks it's killing her."

"How do you even know?" His face wasn't holding back his surprise to hear this from Fennec.

"I asked her why she sent for you when Cullen first got sick. All she said was, 'I love you and you need him.' I pretty much got the same response a few years ago. In the middle of an argument. I asked her why she let you be a part of my life if she hates you so much. She sighed and took a moment to think before responding, but she said, 'I love him and he needs you.' She had that look in her eye. It wasn't as strong, but it's the same look she'd give Cullen." Fen'harel tried to swallow the lump in his throat with no success. "Just give her time. It took her over two years to get over you and you guys were only together for a handful of months. She'd been with Cullen for almost twenty five years"

"When did you get to be so wise?" She laughed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I've always been this wise. No one ever listens to me."

Fen'harel called it an early night and laid down on a cot in the rotunda. He was offered a room when he first arrived, but decided he wanted to stay within the familiarity of the painted walls. He didn't deny the cot when it was offered to him since he'd grown to hate sleeping on the chaise. As soon as he closed his eyes, he slipped into the fade.

The sound of Fennec's laughter drifted into the room from the main hall. He opened the door and looked up the hall towards the throne to see Cullen's disapproving face peeking behind the door to Ellea's quarters. He looked down the hall and saw Fennec and the handsome guard standing in the doorway as the guard leaned in for a shy kiss. Time spun around him. He was searching, but he didn't know what for. Sounds of voices behind him turned his attention back to the rotunda. Dorian and a very pregnant Ellea were sitting on the chaise.

"He doesn't know. He won't answer me. He won't listen."

"He's a fool." Time spun. Cole and Ellea stood in the doorway. She had a smaller baby bump.

"Hearts hard, heavy, harrowed. Fingers intertwined, turn to snakes in you hand. Left and took your face with him. He couldn't have wanted to go. Then you would have meant nothing. Sweet lips left kisses on your face and turned to ashes in your mouth."

"Cole, please don't." Time spun. Ellea sat on Cullen's lap as he finished reading a story to her belly.

"If it's a girl can we name her Mia?"

"After my sister?" Cullen's face beamed as she moved her head down for a kiss. "What if it's a boy?"

"I was thinking Stanton. It is your middle name after all." He kissed her neck and made her giggle. "Your stubble tickles."

"I love you so much." Time spun. A little girl cried in the hall.

Fennec, who looked no more than two, had scraped her knee. Cullen was holding her, walking out the door to the garden. He sat her down on the stone half wall that separated them from the garden. Ellea stood in the doorway and Fen'harel followed to watch. Cullen kissed the tears on Fennec's cheek and Fen'harel's throat tightened.

"Shh, don't cry. Don't cry, ma vhenan." Fen'harel was so distracted by the scene in front of him, it wasn't until Ellea closed the door that he noticed something very distressed in her eyes. She turned and walked into the rotunda. She stood calmly by the desk. She just stood there staring at the ceiling two floors up. She looked down at the desk, pushed everything off of it and flipped it over. She grabbed the chair that sat next to the once upright desk and threw it at the wall. Dorian came flying down the stairs that lead to the library above, but she ignored him.

"You son of a bitch! How could you do this?" The vase and the side table it sat on were thrown against the wall, one at a time. "How could you do this to me? How could you do this to us?" Cullen burst in the room as a second vase flew at the wall. Sera stood behind him holding Fennec, both looking wide eyed. He wrapped his body almost completely around Ellea as she screamed and thrashed around in his arms. Fen'harel had pressed himself against the wall even though no one could see him.

"How dare you." The scene in front of him disappeared as Ellea stood next to him.

"Ell-" Her name was slapped off his mouth.

"How dare you." She was calm and furious as the same time. Fen'harel was actually a bit frightened by her. "You have no right. These are not your memories. These are pieces of _my_ life that you have no right to see."

"Ell, I'm-" He grabbed for her hand. She ripped it out of his grasp and slapped him again.

"Don't touch me! Don't _ever_ touch me!" Her calm voice dissolved into a shout that shook the walls around them. "Do you have any idea what you've done to me? What you've done to my family? Cullen knew he couldn't have all of me! He loved me anyway! He died knowing that I loved him, but that I was _in love_ with you! He died knowing that you left with part of my heart ripped off in your teeth!" She turned away from him, hands balled up so tight her knuckles were turning white. She calmed herself and walked towards the door to the main hall. When she opened the door she turned around to face him. "You can still see Fennec whenever you like, but I want you gone. I want you, and every trace of you, gone when I wake up. That includes the fresco."

When she disappeared, his body sunk down the wall to the ground and he collapsed over himself in silent tears.


	5. Chapter Five: Ellea

Chapter Five: Ellea

Her dreams always started different, but ended the same. Sweet, loving moments with Cullen. Whispered words of devotion, tender embraces, needing lips crashing against each other. Then she would see it. The rush of white fur past her as the deep blue eyed wolf would tear her lover to shreds. She always woke up the same. Screaming, crying, face hot and her body covered in sweat. Dorian and Sera would be there, already in her bed, gripping her tight and she would always find comfort against the weight of their bodies. A week into her nightmares, they both had moved into her room. That was a year ago and she still refused to tell them about the wolf haunting her sleep. Instead, she took to cowering in her room. It became a ritual. Breakfast and lunch were brought up to them everyday. Sera would sit at the desk scribbling crude drawings on whatever paperwork was nearby. Dorian would take his leave after breakfast, most likely to write his growing concern for her to send to their friends before returning for lunch. Ellea would bury her nose into a book while she made herself as small as possible on her bed. For her, it was to escape from their worried glances and sympathetic smiles.

"That's it!" Dorian forced a smile as he climbed up the stairs, returning like clockwork for lunch. "We are getting fantastically drunk tonight!" Sera looked up with a huff.

"Good luck with that. Little miss grumpy pants here will never go for that. She's not fun anymore, yeah? All 'wallow in my misery blah, blah, blah.' She's not going to have that. She'd rather remain in her sulking self pity." Dorian became uncharacteristically quiet as he shot Sera a dirty look. Ellea sat up in bed, her face red from anger and embarrassment.

"What? Did I say something wrong? Or is it just maybe, I've said something right? I can't do this shite anymore." Sera looked at Ellea, her face matching her friend's color. "Look, I can't...we can't keep sitting here and watch you melt away to nothin'! You've got a long arse life ahead of ya and all you do is hate yourself. We aren't always going to be here, ya know! It's not fair to us to sit here and watch you mentally rot away while we actually are rotting away! You need to get yourself together. If not for your sake, or for our sake, then for Stanton and Fennec's!" Sera's face contorted, her cheeks getting more red by the second. Tears welled up in her eyes as she slammed her hands on the desk and stood to take her leave. "Now look what you've done," Sera shouted as she ran down the stairs and out the door.

Dorian sat next to Ellea in her bed and wrapped his arms around her. They sat in uncomfortable silence while he watched her watch the chair Sera had just been sitting at. He wanted to make a sly joke, to make her laugh, to see her face smile again. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He hated the way Sera went about it, but that didn't mean he didn't agree with everything she had just said. Instead he sighed and placed his head on Ellea's shoulder.

"I really hate to say it, Ell, but Sera is right." He braced himself for the backlash that he was sure would follow his words, but all she did was drop her head down and return his sigh with her own.

"I know."

She was smiling again. Dorian hadn't realized how much he missed her beautiful smile until it slid across her face. Her cheeks were lightly flushed from the wine they had been passing around. They were reminiscing about their friends and the wonderful, short years that they had all been a group together. Dorian and Sera treaded carefully, neither mentioning the commander or the apostate. Instead they talked about Blackwall's crush on her, Iron Bull and Sera's tavern conquests, Varric's stories and how much Cassandra loved them. They talked about Josephine and her wedding to Lord Ortranto.

Ellea missed Josephine terribly. The last time she had seen her was when Fennec was still young. A very pregnant Josephine and her husband came for Fennec's second birthday. Like most of her friends, Josephine had her own life to live.

Besides Sera and Dorian, everyone eventually drifted apart from her. She knew it was for the better. None of them wanted her to watch them die. They all had felt so guilty when they realised she wasn't aging. Like their presence would just make it harder. Cassandra became Devine Victoria. Lelianna trailed after, desperately clinging to her role as the left hand. Vivienne resumed her role in the circle, approving of the changes Cassandra was making. Iron Bull was on the run from the wrath of the Qun. Blackwall became a Grey Warden, under her insistence to use the time she had given to him to make amends. Varric returned to Kirkwall to play uncle to Fenris and Hawke's twins. Cole stuck around for quite a long time until the pain inside her became too much for him to bare. She was beginning to regret her blatant refusal for him to help her.

When the wine finally ran dry, they decided to call it a night. Sera and Dorian curled up next to her in bed. Her mind was dizzy from the wine. Her friends were in much better shape than her, considering how much more they had to drink. It had been quite some time since she had any alcohol in her system. It was almost nice. Her body hummed, weaving back and forth between numb and fuzzy. She closed her eyes and drifted into sleep in just a few minutes.

She was standing on her balcony with the man she loved. The man she had given everything to. The man who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The man who hadn't revealed his true self to her. The man who hadn't crushed her fragile heart, yet.

"Solas, don't go." Her hand reached out and clutched his arm. She was always surprised at how muscular he was. She'd never met an elf like him, especially a mage elf. They were always so lanky and short, but he was different. He towered over most humans. The sound of his voice always made her heart skip a beat before pounding so hard in her chest that it was all she could hear.

"It would be kinder in the long run, but losing you-." His words fell around them as he grabbed her waist, pulling their bodies together. His mouth claimed hers with such force and want, her knees gave out on her. He held on to her while their tongues danced around each others mouths. If the kiss they shared in the fade was a dream, than she had no idea what to call this. The world spun around her and when he broke from the kiss, all she could see was him. "_Ar lath ma_, _vhenan_." He turned around and glided into her bedroom. The way he moved was criminal. She rested her shoulder against the door to the balcony as she watched him. She was almost unaware that her dream of this memory had changed. It wasn't the actions that changed, it was the emotion. She could feel how he felt.

He paused at the top of the stairs and he gripped his hand on the railing. He was trying to restrain himself and was about to continue his escape to the rotunda when he heard her shirt fall to the ground, followed by the sound of her pants being kicked out of the way from underneath her. He slowly turned to face her and was greeted by the site of her from behind. She set the last hairpin on the desk and combed out her braid with her fingers until her black curls rested in the middle of her back, against her pale skin. She looked back at him, over her shoulder and a wicked smile curled on her lips.

"_Ar lath ma_, Solas." A small groan escape from deep within his throat as he closed the space between them. She gasped when he slid his hands over her hips and pulled her against him. He knew he should stop. He knew it was wrong and that it would only lead to him breaking her, but he couldn't stop himself. His hands were almost shaking as he tried to remain in control of himself. He tightened his grip on her hips and buried his nose in her hair on her shoulder.

"What are you doing to me, Ell?" He ran his nose up her neck, breathing in her scent. He grew hard against her ass as she wiggled it against him. Her body was teasing him, taunting him, begging him. His hands moved to explore her body, one trailed up her side to palm her breast. The other slid around her waist to rest on her stomach. Her body was so soft and supple he began to think she was going to break him. His teeth nibbled at her neck and he pushed his erection harder against her ass. "You're going to be the end of me."

"I love you, Solas." She let out a moan as he kneaded her breast. "I want you." Her hands laid on top of his and she guided the one resting on her stomach down to the heat between her legs. She turned her head to meet his gaze. "I want you inside of me."

He lost all control. He spun her around to face him, crashing his lips into hers. He walked her over to her bed, breaking the kiss to throw her down. With her legs dangling over the edge of the bed, she sat up on her elbows to look at him. His eyes were wild and fierce. He was looking down at her like she was an Orlesian feast and he hadn't eaten in months. Whatever self control he was beginning to regain with their bodies separated, flew out the window when that wicked smile appeared across her lips again. He knelt in front of her. His arms slid under her legs and dragged her closer to him. She stayed propped up on her elbows and they locked eyes as his tongue teased the lips of her sex. She whimpered and her body writhed underneath his mouth. The longer his tongue teased her, the more certain she was that he was going to devour her entire body. She raised her hand and ran her fingers around her nipple, but he quickly reached up and pulled it back down.

"No." She raised an eyebrow at him and his eyes flashed with anger. This was his body now. He wanted to be the only one to touch her. He didn't want her to have to satisfy any part of herself. That was_ his_ job. "Lay down."

He didn't have to wait for her to listen. The moment his tongue found her clit, her arms melted beside her body and her moans filled the air around him. He ran a hand up her thigh until it was between her and his mouth. He spread her lips apart with his fingers and took her clit into his mouth. He sucked and nibbled at it as his name escaped from her mouth. He looked up for just a second to make sure she was following his orders and was pleased to see her hands fisted around the blanket on her bed. He continued his work on her as the fingers of his free hand brushed up her stomach, causing her to shiver. He let his hand rest just under her breast as his fingernails gently curved into her side. She pressed her hips down and arched her back as her legs shook on either side of him. _Now you're mine_, he thought as her moans grew louder. His name escaping from her lips in an arousing chant. He continued to nibble on her clit as she rode the wave of ecstasy he sent her on. He sat back on his feet, quite pleased with himself and wiped his face off on his sleeve. She sat back up on her elbows.

"That's it?" That's what she would have said. It's what she said when he finished when it wasn't just a dream. She loved to tease him, but nothing came out of her mouth. She was staring at the him behind _him_. He was standing in the doorway to the second balcony. His arm was holding his elbow while his chin rested in his other hand. His eyes were filled with want and need, with a hint of sadness, as he stared back at her.

"Fen'harel." The way she said his name made him deepen his gaze at her. It wasn't filled with sympathy or rage like it normally was. It was a whisper of lust. The moment she said it, the him between her legs disappeared, giving him a clear view of her. He cocked his head to the side as he eyed her naked body in front of him. His face said nothing, while his eyes said everything. He made no movement toward her, but she could feel his want. His eyes were burning holes all over her body. She was frozen in place, slightly terrified and very aroused. She had never seen him look at her like that.

After many agonizing minutes past, his arms finally fell to his side and he slowly approached her. She made no movement to get away. No silent plea within herself to 'wake up' came as his body crawled on top of hers. Her eyes widened when his hips pressed the bulge in his pants down between her legs. His body trembled against hers when his lips found purchase on her mouth. His hips rocked against her when she deepened the kiss. His lips broke away from hers and brushed down her jaw until his teeth gently sunk into her neck. A broken breath was her only response as he bit down a little harder. A shaky hand ran down her body like it never had touched her before. His body tensed against her as she shivered underneath him.

"Forgive me for this, _vhenan_." The words echoed in her ear and he was gone.


End file.
